apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
