soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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