Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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