Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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