she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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