After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
