Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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