I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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