Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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