I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
