My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
