You're my little dorito
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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