Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm getting married
To pizza
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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