he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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