did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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