I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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