I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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