Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
