At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
