wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
