Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
