yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
