Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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