i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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