I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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