Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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