Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
