all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
