i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
