Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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