so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize