it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
