She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
