we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
