I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
