My liver just broke up with me...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
