great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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