He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
