Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
