So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
