Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
