bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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