I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
