sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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