I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
