Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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