i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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