Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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