***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i now understand why vodka
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
