When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
