And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
