A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Boobs speak an international language.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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