Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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