some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was born a porn star she said
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
