Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
