The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
