Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
