Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
