I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
