Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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