Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
