I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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