You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
