It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
