I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
