Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
