he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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