distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
