No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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