Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
