In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
