i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
