Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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