I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
