I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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