I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
