i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
