Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
