You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
