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your room smells of hookers.
And success
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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