Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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